I’m a natural people pleaser. I love people. The minute someone is mad at me or hates me I break into tears. I don’t know why it causes me so much pain to know some people may not like me, but it literally keeps me up at night.
I often wish I had an “I don’t care” attitude and that nothing bothered me. But that’s not me, that’s not who I am. Through middle school and high school I hated myself for being too emotional or too sensitive because I’d be called dramatic. That’s one word nobody ever wants to be described as.
I always thought I needed to change. I would constantly tell myself toughen up and get aggressive. This is not a big deal you don’t need to cry. Don’t cry again. All you do is cry. You’re being dramatic. You’re weak. Don’t let them see you cry. Get it together. You’re fine.
But I have realized I don’t need to change. Why would I change myself for someone else? I don’t have to agure or fight or change to speak my mind. I don’t have to confront someone to make myself feel better… I can do it my own way. A way that is genuinely me.
Being emotional is a blessing in disguise. I’m the friend that cries with you, I’m the friend that does everything I can to make you fell better, I’m the friend that cares. Maybe cares too much. I just want everyone around me to be happy… seeing people in pain puts me in pain. It makes my heart hurt. But, then again, if you‘re super emotional you are referred to as “dramatic and weak.” But I want to break that sterotype. If you cry you are strong because you can let out your emotions in a healthy way… instead of bottling them up inside for days, months, even years. Why would I change my emotional self just for someone else?
I wrote all of this in my journal over the summer. I thought it would be important to share. Sorry it was a tad all over the place. Just wanted to remind all you lovelies not to change who you are for someone else.