PSA- Get ready for a deep blog post loves hehe
Is there a definite answer to stop all comparison? A tough question I propose and in all honesty I do not contain any of the answers. If there is, please let me know lol.
I think every girl goes through a period in life where they wish to change herself to be like someone else. A period where they feel less confident and start hating the person they are. Now, prepare yourself for a very rambly, venting blog post where everything may not make sense. It was difficult for me to get out everything I wanted to say with perfect sentence structure and punctuation. It can be hard to put into words what I am feeling.
I admit in today’s society it’s tough to not scroll on Instagram and dream of having what someone else has. It’s not uncommon to be jealous of the popular girl or the girl with the perfect boyfriend. It’s hard to not want the new expensive shoes your friend has but would have to sell your left arm to afford. It can be difficult when your friend aces a test and you get a c and instantly envy her, but I have found that comparing myself and my life to others just ends up destroying me.
Not sure why lately I have been constantly comparing my looks, clothes, and personality to others. Maybe since it’s spring break and I am not bikini body ready or that I had recently joined a sorority where I feel at times not pretty enough for it. Whatever the reason may be I knew I needed to stop and get out of this negative headspace.
The last few weeks I have not been loving myself as much as I usually do- I know it’s getting deep friends. At night I constantly wish I could be someone else. I started to hate my body and pick apart all my flaws that I saw in my eyes. I want a flat tummy and gorgeous long blonde hair. No stretch marks and perfect skin. I swear I know people who have never gotten a pimple before and it’s insane. I have always had super dark plain brown hair and a curvier body. Many stretch marks over my thighs and hips showing how my weight has fluctuated over the years. I would spend hours in the mirror looking at my stretch marks and I have tried every cream in the store to get rid of them but, trust me, it doesn’t work. You’re welcome I just saved you a lot of money. But I have come to realize those marks on my body have shown I have grown and my dark brown hair was something I turned out to embrace. I prided myself on how I never had to dye my hair to keep it beautiful. Also how the water in the showers at school didn’t turn my hair brassy and orange. Sorry to my pretty blonde hair friends I promise your hair is not orange @abbysmullen. I tried to change my perspective on myself and maybe others wanted to have the flaws I saw in myself.
I had prayed I would magically transform into this carefree fun friend who everyone wants to hang out with. The girl that was bold and not worried so much if they were up late or their room was a mess. A girl who could touch the door handle without worrying about germs. Someone who didn’t have to run to the bathroom to wash their hand constantly . I had wished I wasn’t so anxious about things that seemed stupid or little to others but were huge to me. I wanted to be strong and less emotional when someone hurts my feelings. Every new year rolls around and I say my motto is “I don’t care.” My high school friends know this best hahaha every year I have the same resolution of caring less. Let me just tell you I never end up being able to achieve it lol. I dreamed of being one of those girls who did not care about what others thought of them and let negative comments just roll right off. Those are all traits I believe I lack when comparing myself to others.
But then I thought about myself and my personality. Maybe others compare themselves to me. Maybe some people wished they had traits I carry. Maybe, just maybe, I had some things special about me. I am empathetic and can wholeheartedly put myself in other’s shoes. As much as I say I don’t care, I usually care A LOT. Which I always say to my mom is a blessing or a curse. I care so deeply about everyone who is in my life and even if you are not part of my life, I care about you too haha. I possess a trait of thoughtfulness and everything I do I do with intention. I think I get my traits from my dad who may be more sensitive than me… haha sorry dad to expose you. But, being emotional and sensitive can be seen a negative thing in the public and something I wanted to change about myself when looking at others. I remember a specific time in middle school a friend telling me “Hannah you are too nice”. I had always thought being nice was something everyone strived to be up until that point. I realized maybe I am too nice so I decided to try and change. I suddenly wanted to be mean to others and become cocky. I tried those traits out for a little until I realized I felt bad about what I was doing. I came to the realization those are not me. No matter how hard you try you can never fully change who you are. Yes, I have gotten less emotional and probably less nice over the years. But that’s probably because I have been through and seen a lot of shit for lack of a better word. At the core of my body I am still that nice caring girl. Even though my personality is something I haven’t liked about myself lately I think it has to lead me into my future career and helped me be an amazing friend to many.
So yes I compare. I compare a lot. I compare my looks to pretty Instagram models or my friends or people on campus. I compare what I have. I compare my grades. I compare my personality. I compare too much. Like said before I had just not been liking myself these past few weeks. And when I thought back to why I had maybe been feeling this way one word came to mind. Comparison. Comparison is the thief of joy and has made me unhappy with myself. On my road to coming to love myself again, I have found ways to not compare my life to others and become more confident in who I am. So how do we break this horrible cycle of comparison and become confident here are some tips I have learned or close friends have taught me-
Focus on your strengths- instead of dwelling on your weaknesses focus on your strengths. Celebrate them and embrace them. Be proud of what you are good at.
Count your blessings- What better thing to do than think about how grateful you are. Count what you have not what you don’t.
Social media is all FAKE- Once I realize how much I edit my pictures (and I don’t even think I do it that much) I realize none of it is real. it’s all marketing the “best” moments of ur life so i try to keep that in mind when scrolling through Instagram. (Rachel Klass)
Be okay with imperfection- Nobody is perfect so why would you strive for perfection. `
You have nothing to gain and too much to lose- Nothing good comes good out of comparing yourself to others but you could lose a lot like the love for yourself which is the most important.
Fake it till you believe- the people i think are most beautiful are the ones who own themselves whether they are picture perfect beauties or not. (Thanks Rachel Klass for this)
Robs you of time- Life’s so short and we only have 1440 minutes each day… you really want to waste some of those thinking about someone else.
Get yourself a hype squad– a hype squad meaning a great group of girls who will boost your confidence daily. A girl group who does not compare and a judgement free zone. (Shoutout to Grace Petryk for this)
Looks aren’t everything- I constantly reminding myself that I like the person I am like I find myself to have amazing qualities that are way more important than looks!!! (Much love to Caitie Harty for this one)
Stop comparing. Start being confident.